Surviving on doughnuts, chips n maggie :(

Though Im a good cook, I hate to cook for myself.. I just cant go into d kitchen and start preparing anything, unless n untill.. there is someone, in kitchen to gimme company.. i get irritated when i find myself alone.. specially in d kitchen.. i want someone to talk with me .. someone to encourage me.. while im cooking..

I need constant support and pampering :)
I knew.. I knew... dis it too demanding.. but cant help it.. I hate cooking when no one is around :(

When me n my sis cook something together.. its a ultimate fun.. I mean we do lot of experiments.. some crazy ideas come into my mind n i get excited..
n I tell my sis, what if we add this or what if we change the procedure n so.. n she says, "naah di, gadbad ho jayegi"
but as always, i do what i want to.. I tell her not to worry.. whatever will happen,
I will be responsible..

n I start experimenting...

n she gives me look that dish will not gona taste good..

I ask her to wait and watch..

and

final results are always good..:)

But right now..

Im craving for home made food... mummy.. miss ya..!!

As my lit sis is not with me since last 5 days.. i have to manage with doughnuts, chips, cookies n maggie only... :(

Sholly for what I did...

Im in a very bad condition right now..
Im just so so so angry at myself.

I had small fight with my lit sister on saturday.. on very small issue..
regarding cleaning the house...

Everyone knews that this is the one thing I cant do.. I would prefer dying rather than doing zadu-pochha.

I cant, I just cant do this, not even if it is question of my life n death.. and I knew this is the very very bad thing. But im helpless :(
(Oh my gosh...What if my husband is not supporting and understanding... I wil be finished for sure...) Leave it.. dont wana think bout that right now..

My worry is different..

That day, Some of my friends were supposed to visit the house, so I asked her to clean up the hall. Poor gal was doing it, without saying a word. Little thing went wrong and I shouted on her. So bad of me :( Im such a devil..
Im a human, not perfect :(

For the first time I saw my sis getting angry. Her ego got hurt, she said.. I just cant live here and im going back to mum n dad. And i dint even bother to stop her. So she went back to my hometown.

I knew this is my fault. And im feeling extremely sorry about what I did.

As she is not here, Im feeling too lonely.. she is d best sister in d whole wide world... she is my lifeline..
I cant imagine my life without being her by my side.. she is my care-taker in true sense ( though she is the younger one..) but it doesnt mean that I dont care bout her or something like that.. I do. I adore her. But that day, i lost my temper.

so bad.. so bad of me..
I hate myself for this..
I shoudn't have behaved that way, feeling so guilty..

I promise you MADHU.. I will never do this again.
I will be a good sister.. will try my best to keep my temper cool..
Trust me cutiepie...

Dying to see u now..
I promise you a treat n shopping
U gona get some really cool stuff baby :)
we gona have lotcha fun together..

so come back soon...

Love you!

READY TO FLY

LIFE has been too good to me... so far. :)
I have always been a blessed and happy go lucky gal..
since childhood.. I got everything what I dreamt of..
so i could never see the dark side of a life.

But few months ago, a storm came in my life. and everything has changed.. changed forever.
World doesn't seem a better place to live.. I feel so down, out and depressed.
I wake up suddenly n start crying at middle of night. I feel too weak at heart. I feel like going through hell, I want to help myself somehow.

The person I loved most, has gone far away n will never gona come back in my life, this horrible thought makes me scream with pain and heartache. Love happens only once, Rest are just compromises... and i dont wana do dat..

but...

In the morning.. I read a story about a supermodel who committed suicide cuz of failed relationship. I felt so bad.. but it also makes me think hard. And i told myself..
'come on gal.. u don't want to be d same.. You never gona get a second chance to live..
this is the question of a LIFE gal.. be strong.. u can never ruin your life with your very own hand.
The pain and heartache gona stay with you forever but.. this should not be the end.

Being truely loved by someone is the ultimate fortune.. And Im gona miss this.

but as it says, Relationships are like glass, sometimes its better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting them back together.. so I have moved on and ready for the new beginning...

As my lit sis always says, whatever happens, happens for the best. Being happy doesnt mean that you have what u want or everything is perfect. It means that you have decided to look beyond the imperfections. Now Im gona have positive approach towards life. Gona be optimistic for rest of my life.
so no harsh feelings.. no sorrow n no pain..
gona be a strong again.

So i guess, Im back on tract,
Ready to live.. ready to explore..
ready to dream.. and
READY TO FLY...